Unfolded

There's a letter I wrote almost a year ago.

Confessing a deep hurt, confessing a deep pain.

I've always found it easier to express my feelings in writing.

To write down on paper what doesnt seem to find its way to my tongue.

The words dont come so easily from my mouth, but they fly from my pen.

And you know what? That's ok.

It's ok to write down things that are too hard to say.

I look at the letter now, and it remains in a special place.

It remains unfolded.

It reminds me that healing takes time, like my friend put it once,

"there's layers to healing."

And  as much as I'd like to wake up and wish the hurt away, I can't.

But what I can do is continually lay it at the feet of Jesus. 

To take the hurt, lay it at the cross, and know my shame was carried on His shoulders.

To, like my unfolded letter, know that the hurt is never gone, but there's relief from the pain.

I know of so many women who are hurting like I am,

there's invisible scars that others cant see but feel like they are right on the surface.

 But I encourage you, if you are a woman who is walking thru the pain with a suffering friend,

to hold on thru the waves of healing.

There is so many, there is anger, there is tears, there is so much weighty emotion.

But I thank God for each of you that are walking this road with their loved one.

You are incredibly brave and selfless.

Know Jesus picked you especially to help and bear this weight, 

He trusted you to care for His hurting lamb.

To those that have walked this rocky path with me,

THANK YOU.

I will never be able to express how grateful I am for the love poured out when I felt empty.

For those that have offered their shoulders to help carry my burden.

I thank Jesus every day for each of you, and those out there on the same path.

May we be women, who like the good Samaritan, go out of their way to help a beaten soul.

 

Christina: God's powerful and healing love for us

So excited to be sharing this next testimony with yall! My dear friend Christina is an awesome mommy and wife, and daily inspires me.We became friends a couple of years ago, and kind of clicked immediately. "Soul sisters" is what we sometimes jokingly call ourselves. We have seen each other through some pretty rough times, and through some pretty joyful times as well! I was so honored and blessed to have her by my side during the birth of my son, Asher! This girl and her sweet family mean so much to my family and I. They are gracious, humble and gentle. Even through her writing you can see her sweet nature and kind heart! She is one of the bravest, strongest woman I have ever known! Be blessed!

I am so honored to have my dear friend, Stephanie, ask me to share my testimony.  Honestly, as I sit here about to write, I have a sense of being overwhelmed. I hope as you read this, you are encouraged. Well here it goes...

By God's grace, I was born into a home and family that was centered around Christ. I grew up knowing all about Jesus and His sacrifice for my sins. At the age of nine, the Holy Spirit opened my eyes to the vastness of my sins, my separation from my Savior, and my ultimate need for Jesus! Through blurry,  tear-filled eyes, I walked down stairs to share all of this with my mom and dad. They were overjoyed!! They had been praying from the time they knew I was on my way that this day would come. We all cried and hugged. It is a moment I will never forget! The moment I knew Jesus to be mine. My Savior.

Everything was wonderful after that... HAHA... I mean as wonderful as 4th grade could be! Over the next year, I could not get enough of the Bible. Every word seemed new, now looking at it with a new enlightened understanding!

But as every Christian knows, it isn't all rainbows and sunshine once you accept the Lord as your personal Lord and Savior. My world was rocked as a 10 year old girl. I was molested by my soccer coach during a sleepover. I was not the only one he had taken advantage of that night. The other little girl, was much braver than I and went home and told her parents. My parents received a phone call and asked me if I had been. So ashamed by this dirty feeling the whole experience has left me with, I lied. I was convinced if I could convince someone else, it hadn't happened to me, then I could potentially convince myself as well. The next 8 years there was a war that raged on inside of me that I fought to keep silent. No one saw what I struggled with. I flat doubted God's love for me... Was He real? Did He care? How could He let this man take advantage of His beloved daughter? Maybe He loved me, but was powerless to do anything? Is that a God I could possibly live for?? Could I really trust Him???? These are the thoughts and questions I struggled with daily. During this season, I played the role (as best I could), as a typical good Christian girl. My life was a roller coaster. I tried to be good on my own, of course that did not work out, so I rebelled. And this went on for way too long...

As a freshman in college, I took full advantage of my freedom. In fact, by the end of the first semester, I was on academic probation and athletic probation, I was in the process of completing 45 hours of community service as a form of punishment, and was almost completely kicked out of school. This was my final breaking point. I had nothing left to hold onto... I had to reach out to my Savior... the one I had trusted so long ago. I had made a royal mess of my life trying to do things on my own. The Lord, in evidence of His perfect and sweet timing, was telling me my time of rebellion was up. He had a plan for my life and I needed to get on board. See, He had my husband right in front of me, and well, I was about to mess everything up! We were already friends. He was so dreamy and I pretty much loved him already. He saw me that first semester and saw my immaturity (wise man!). As the Lord healed me and brought me back to Himself, the Lord graciously began to work in Jonathan's heart as well. He began to pursue me in the most perfect way! 18 months later we were married! God is GOOD!

Looking back I can see Jesus in every step. He fought for me. He never let me go... always calling me to Himself. He never gave up on His lost sheep. His faithfulness to fight on my behalf and bring me back to Himself, to this day brings me to my knees in praise to Him! He protected me. The Lord began to heal me . He brought people into my life to encourage me and see past my fake facade I had so convincingly mastered. The Lord, so sweet with His timing, brought me time and time again, in my moments of brokenness, to the story of the lost sheep.  During one of these times I was reading a commentary that talked about how shepherds would go and leave their flock to find that one lost sheep. When they  found their lost sheep, they would break its legs. This first seemed so cruel to me, but as I continued reading, I discovered how they would do this only to then carry them during their entire healing process. This was such a clear picture of my journey with my Shepherd. He had found me, and He had to break me, only to carry me to my point of healing. He never stopped pursuing me. He was fierce in His determination to love me in spite of myself. He did not stop once He broke me. He carried me. He carried me through it all. He never left me.

Now things are still not all rainbows and sunshine. I may never understand His will and His way that would allow me, as a 10 year old little girl, to go through such a paralyzing experience, but I know who my Jesus is. I know I can trust Him and His will for my life. He has healed me, redeemed me. He has never forsaken me. What satan meant for destruction in my life, God used to pull me to Himself in a way I would never have understood outside of my experience. In fact, He has blessed me. Flat blessed me. More than I could possibly have dreamed! I am married to the most thoughtful, strong, servant-hearted man. We have 2 beautiful baby boys. I am blessed beyond measure.

Hannah: He saves daily

 I am so honored to be introducing this next special lady. Hannah (or Hannah Banana as I have always called her) and I go WAY back, like since birth practically. In fact growing up I always referred to her (and still do) as "my first best friend ever." I cant count the number of pics our parents have of us hanging out, playing dress up or just being toddlers together. Even though we haven't seen each other in over ten years (what!! hold the phone!), we still check in on each other time to time. Hannah lives in California with her hubby (they're newlyweds!!) Kent, and their new pup Harvey. Hannah is one of my most favorite writers, she is gifted and poetic and honest with each word and I know this story will resonate with so many young women. You can read more about Hannah and her sweet newlywed life at her blog www.wearehagens.wordpress.com Enjoy!

I used to think that my story wasn’t worth telling. Yes, I accepted Christ when I was 5 years old, kneeling by my bedside with my mom. Yes, I have followed him my whole life. I’ve loved growing up in church and some of my greatest friends have been from living in community there. I used to think that this was a boring story that no one would want to hear. There is no dramatic conversion, no180 degree turn in my life.  However, the Lord has made it abundantly clear that my story is important because he is the one who wrote it. He has a purpose for my testimony. He brought me to himself at age 5 for a reason. So this is my testimony, my story, continually being written beautifully by my Savior.
I’ve grown up in a Christian home my entire life. My parents have always been very involved in their church community. I remember asking my mom, one afternoon when I was five, if I could accept Jesus into my heart. She helped me pray beside my bed and it was there I asked Jesus for the first time to be my Savior.
I’ve asked him to save me many times since that day. In middle school I switched schools. I made a few friends there, but hated going. The campus was cold and uninviting and the teachers were mean to me. Halfway through the year the girls I considered my friends began to make fun of me for my faith. They made up rumors about me and kicked me out of their carpool. I felt so alone, so abandoned.  I stopped going to my youth group at church because I was afraid of being rejected. I even ate lunch in the bathroom a few times because I was embarrassed that I had no one to sit with. I remember begging the Lord to save me. I would do anything to be able to go to a different school. He heard my cry. After the year ended, my parents let me switch to a new school. I started going back to youth group and God redeemed me with new and meaningful friendships. Slowly my heart began to heal. He had heard my cry.
In July of 2012, my high school sweetheart, Kent, got down on one knee and asked me to be his forever. Nothing can describe my joy in that moment. I will never forget his sweet smile as he spoke and the lavender rose petals at our feet.

 Then two weeks later we found out his mom had stage four cancer. Three months later, a ravenous cancer took her life and left us reeling. I cried out to the Lord to save us from this grief, to turn back time and bring her back to us. His plan is still a mystery, but I know without a shadow of doubt that God was with us every second of that horrible sickness. His presence has never left us. Last July, I felt God’s strength and peace overwhelm our ceremony. Though Kent’s mom could not be there, we knew she was watching with a front row seat in heaven. I like to picture her holding Jesus’ hand, both watching proudly and joyfully as we said our “I dos.” As we continue to grieve such a painful loss, Christ continues to draw us to himself. He gives us indescribable joy and comforts our deepest sorrow.

I now know that my five-year-old heart understood something profound that afternoon as I knelt beside my bed: asking Jesus to be my Savior meant he would save me. Through every hurt, every tear, every lonely moment, he is with me. He answers my cry and in his presence I can find saving grace over and over and over…
So this is the story God has given me. This is the testimony of a girl who continues to need saving and of a God who promises to always be her Savior.

Heather: New life in Him

We are starting off a week of testimonies with one of my dearest friends, Heather. Seriously I cant think of the words to describe my relationship with this girl, but if I could I would use "honest and pure."
The tale of our friendship and how it grew is a post all its own. She has helped me in my walk and brings me daily to the cross. In some of my darkest, hardest days, she has been there for me whether in person or by phone. She daily encourages me, sends me verses, prays for me, and builds me up when I tear myself down. She truly is a sister to me, and a huge blessing in my life! I pray her story of God's great saving work in her life touches you and speaks to you as it has to so many!

Hey there! My name is Heather James. What an honor it is to be asked by a beloved
sister to share how the Lord Jesus rescued me from the domain of darkness and
transferred me into His Kingdom. I will attempt to share how Jesus brought me to life.
Let me start from the beginning.
I was born a sinner. I look back even on childhood and see so much selfishness, greed,
and pride seeping from my little self. Oh praise Him for saving a wretch like me! I am the
oldest child of three girls. Our family was deeply rooted in the Catholic church. All my
extended family was Catholic, I was baptized into the Catholic church, participated in
many sacraments, and went to Catholic school up until college. I am thankful that my
parents did their part in trying to raise me with good morals and taught me that it was
right to obey. But being a child and having knowledge of the law, it was overwhelming to
even think of obeying all of the commandments. That sort of obedience was completely
out of reach. I had seasons of trying hard, and in my deception I thought of myself as a
‘good person’, but I always fell short of His righteousness.

{I was not offered an accurate gospel. And if I was, I did not really believe it. I assumed I had always
been a Christian, but we are all born sinners, none of us are just ‘born’ into the faith - just like Jesus said, we have to be born again to enter into His kingdom. I did not understand that NOTHING I could do could make me right with God - no amount of obedience to His law and no amount of good works could would please Him. I had no clue that I was an enemy of God and that only turning from my sin and accepting the free gift of faith in what Jesus did on the cross could make me right in His sight.}

So, what happened when I realized I couldn’t measure up to God’s standard? Rebellion.
College began and I wasn’t under my parents rule anymore. So what did I do?
Whatever I wanted. I made tons of friends and had a lot of worldly fun. I look back in
awe at how the Lord protected me while I was involved in such foolishness. Seriously,
there are many times where I should have died. I was a somewhat responsible person
in things like school and work, but when it came to all other things, I indulged in
pleasure. All the while an emptiness within me was very evident. Even while partying I
was ‘that girl’ that, while belligerent, would talk to random strangers about deep things
like God and that there had to be ‘more’ to this life. Surely they were thinking, “who
invited this girl?” Even in sin I knew I had a longing that hadn’t been filled, and I had a
definite feeling that the only One who could fill it was the Lord. But I was afraid to follow
the Lord. I had believed the lies that I wouldn’t have any more friends, I wouldn’t have
any more fun, and life would be boring. Regardless of me believing these lies, He was
drawing me.

Years passed, I graduated college and began working. I was attempting to fill that void
with traveling, money, food, friends, boys - still knowing that God was near and
beckoning me. The New Year’s before I turned 25, I made a vow to myself to start
settling down and get more serious in life. I started going to church more, started
serving, and got involved in the young adult activities. I started praying and really desiring to find the ‘purpose’ of this life. That February I also decided to get into shape
physically, so I joined a gym. The first evening of joining I had my free hour with the
personal trainer. He went over things like nutrition and exercise routines, but the
conversation quickly turned. He asked where I went to church. I told him and he started
asking why I believe certain things the church teaches. Because I was so rooted in
Catholicism I knew what I believed, but I had no idea why I believed it and where to find
proof. I was befuddled. The next question the trainer asked (and because the Lord had
so ripened me, HE knew it was what I needed to hear) was “If you were to die tonight,
where would you go?” “Well”, I said, “because I’m not necessarily good enough to go
straight to heaven, but I think I’m a pretty good person, I would probably go to purgatory.
The Lord is good and would never send me to hell.” He told me the Bible says there is
no such things as a ‘good’ person and that I should search the Scriptures for anything
on purgatory. There is no proof. Jesus talks of two places we will go when we die -
heaven or hell. Your choice.
I left the gym broken and in tears. Could this be true? Were many of the things I’d been
taught my whole life really lies? I was facing the facts that salvation is not based on
works at all, there is no ‘good’ person, we all fall short of His glory, and that all of us - if
we do not repent and believe in Jesus - will go to hell. We met a few more times to
“train” at the gym. Really, he was just using training as a tool for evangelizing, and I was
so thirsty that I was OK with it and wanted to learn more. Jesus spoke Truth to me
through the trainer. I learned that my sin was not too great for Him to redeem and in
April of 2011, I repented of my sin and handed my life over to Christ. He was full of
mercy and lavished grace on this vessel. Praise Jesus for receiving my just punishment
for my sin against Him, our holy and worthy God. He took all of my punishment upon
Himself on the Cross. At the time, I had no clue what really happened to me. All I knew
was that I loved Jesus and wanted to do anything to get more of Him. I had more joy
than ever before. (Now I realize, He had made me alive!)

I continued serving and going to Catholic church. Over a period of months I was getting
lonely. No one I met had a love for Jesus or a fervent desire to know Him more. I was
getting desperate for fellowship. One day I was on the phone with one of my sisters
crying to her about my desire. She told me that her old friend/coworker, Eric, seemed
like his life had changed because “his Facebook status’ were filled with Scripture.” So, I
awkwardly reached out and told him I needed fellowship. Eric (who by the Lord’s
sovereign power is now my beloved husband!!!) was just learning that he shouldn’t be
hanging out one on one with girls and didn’t want to give me the wrong impression. So
he asked his friend for advice on what to do. His friend’s answer, “well, why don’t you
just invite her to church?” Duh, Eric thought! So that’s just what he did! I was excited
and also very uncomfortable. I hadn’t seen this guy in a few years and even then, I
barely knew him. But like I said, I was desperate! So that next Sunday I went to his
church. This church was unlike any I had ever been to. They brought their Bibles and
actually studied from them during church. They prayed together. And they really
worshiped the Lord. It was awesome, out of my comfort zone, and stirred up a part of
me I had never felt before! That night after church I joined a girl’s bible study. Jesus is
SO GRACIOUS. He answered my prayer that night for more fellowship! The Lord used
that bible study and those girls to teach me how to pray, to give me desire for His word,
to disciple me, and to give me bonds with sisters in Christ I had never experienced
before.

I stopped going to Catholic church after learning in God’s Word about how much of the
Catholic faith contradicts the Truth. And after getting to know Eric more, we began
dating before the Lord’s timing, and after deep conviction from the Holy Spirit, we broke
up a few months into it. The Lord taught me so much during those next few months of
singleness. He used that brokenness/obedience to really grow me and bear fruit. My prayer during those single months was to be a woman securely devoted to Christ (1 Cor 7:35). Jesus gave me a very dear sister during that time (Tania - a sister who I had recently met in the Atlanta airport on the way to Peru for a mission trip) who discipled me and showed me that this devoted lifestyle was possible. I learned to be content in my singleness by being satisfied in Jesus alone.

Well, the Lord brought Eric and I back together. This time it was in His timing and His
way - and oh how His way is PERFECT! We experienced the peace that surpasses
understanding, and we knew that we were to be married. We had a quick engagement,
and two months after our wedding day we found out we were pregnant. Over the next
several months we went through some dark and difficult times as our selfishness came
out and we realized how much pride remained in us. I wish I could share more details
about that trying time, but suffice it to say the Lord had mercy on us and really used the
birth of our son Joshua to revive our hearts. We are so thankful for our little guy and the
way the Lord has woven him into our walk with Him. The Lord has used our marriage to
sanctify me like never before, and I can see how He was pleased to give Eric and I to
each other! I am challenged and discipled by my husband often and we are learning
daily how to die to self and kill our sin by the Spirit of God. We still have much to learn,
but our desire is to really live unto Christ, and our prayer is to have an all-consuming
faith in Him - to really be surrendered and let His resurrected life reign in our bodies.
Even as a wife and mother, I still pray that I would be one who is securely devoted to
the Lord Jesus Christ. Like Beth Moore says in her study of the book of James, “there
ain’t no high like the Most High!” Amen.

I am forever grateful that the Lord made me His child. I now know that I have a secure
salvation in the Lord Jesus for eternity, and that it is only by faith in the Lord Jesus that I
am forgiven of my sin and able to experience abundant life now and life everlasting in
the age to come. And of course when you have this light you no longer want to partake
in works of darkness, nor do the things He hates. You want to be pleasing to Him and
obey His commands. The narrow road is truly more difficult than the easy road to hell
and death, but it is far worth it. I still struggle a lot daily, but praise Him, He has not left
me nor forsaken me. By His divine power He gives believers all that we need pertaining
to life and godliness. He is always good and abounding in loving kindness and mercy,
no matter what trials, blessings, struggles, and seasons we experience in this life. He is
so worthy of our lives. He deserves all the praise and glory and honor. Forever and
ever.

Happy Resurrection Day!

Praise God the tomb is empty! Hell where is your victory? Death where is your sting?
In honor of this great truth, I will be sharing a few guest posts from some of my dear friends!
They will be sharing their testimonies and honoring the truth that Jesus gives us new life in Him!
Praising the Lord for these beautiful women and the stories they have to share. Each one walks in love and truth and grace, and treasures Jesus above all things.
So humbled and excited to be sharing these glorious stories of grace with you!
 In the meantime here are a few pics from the past week!

ollie jones leggings

Can I just say that baby leggings are by far the cutest, trendiest baby accessory that is out there right now? Not to mention the most helpful outfit completer? Seriously I cant count how many times I throw a onesie or t shirt on my boys and find I don't really have any cute bottoms to go with them! The other great thing about leggings is that they look good on both girls AND boys.

That is a proven fact especially after seeing my baby, Asher, in a pair of ollie jones leggings. When I found Cheryl's shop on etsy, I was immediately impressed with her numerous pattern options and helpful sizing chart. If my husband's paycheck would allow it, I would buy a pair of leggings from her in every color and size!

When I was looking through her collection, I decided to go with the Golden Arrows pattern. One because I love arrows, and two because that sweet mustard color was catching my eye (and I always try to sneak in a bit of mustard yellow in my home or wardrobe whenever I can!!)

First off let me say how very durable her leggings are! My little man is on the move 24 hrs a day now and he can put a hurting on some baby pants. But these leggings have really stood their ground and they look as new as the day I pulled them out of the box!

Along with durable, they are also just plain adorable! Little man wore these guys around Disney World for a few days last week and got many compliments (he is already a tiny man fashionista).
He wore them throughout the day and even though it was 90 degrees outside (take me back!), he stayed comfortable in his leggings, and looked stylish while doing so.

You can find Cheryl's collection at her website www.olliejonesclothing.com
She has recently come out with a few new patterns of which I am swooning over, hello feather leggings!!
Cheryl is not only extremely talented with making and designing her products, but very professional and courteous. I have enjoyed working with her so much and am seeing many ollie jones leggings in my son's fashion futures!
I am currently doing a giveaway with Cheryl on instagram! Head on over to check out this awesome giveaway!