this season come

This season come

So I took a slight blogging break.

If you can call three months slight.

This summer went by in a whirlwind of change, and I feel I missed it.

I missed many sun soaked days.

I missed many chlorine drenched, sun burnt hours. 

All that I missed with packing and planning.

We moved to a new home.

No, not Vermont yet, and to be honest that has partly been the reason for my absence here.

This summer was bright and hot, but on the inside my soul was struggling with the shadows of discouragement.

We are still here, still waiting.

Things are happening, yes, the Lord is working and moving.

But I have fought feelings of complete defeat as His answers are still "not yet."

But this season of waiting has taught me a reliance on the Lord that i needed to have. 

It has brought me to my knees, and from there I have been able to stand stronger against doubt

The leaves are starting to change.

The breeze in the air brings on the beginnings of my favorite season, fall.

My babies went back to school.

My youngest is walking.

There's so much change in this new season, and I don't want to miss it.

These past few months, I've learned hard but rewarding lessons. 

The biggest one,

that I must remember this world, this life, is temporary.

Like ripples in the water,

we show up for a time then fade away.

However, Heaven is forever. Jesus is our constant season of joy and contenment. And the ripple we as believers make in this life, are met 

with Jesus standing at the banks of eternity.

So let this new season come.

Bring on the leaves, bring on the pumpkins, bring on the revival. Amen.

To a father who grew up fast

 At 16, being "daddy" was probably the furthest title from your mind.

You were playing football, planning for life after high school.

Marriage? Kids? Probably planning for those things later in life.

But we ran out of time to grow up, we made choices, adult choices.

And we faced adult responsibilities.

But you didnt run. 

You didnt cry for what you left behind or for what your future could have been.

You have never complained about this path.

You looked at it and saw the beautiful.

Sure it was hard, sure there were certain things that were heavier.

But you looked at me, looked at my pregnant belly, and you chose us.

You faced judgement, you faced doubt, you faced a world of odds against you.

But by God's grace, you overcame all of that.

And look at you now.

The man of three beautiful babies.

Who loves each and every one fiercely.

Who gets down and plays with them, reads to them, sings with them.

Laughs, chases, and embraces them.

 

 

The daddy who loved the little ones we lost.

Who held me as I cried myself to sleep as the tiny life in me slipped into heaven.

The daddy who kisses ouchies, listens to hurting hearts.

Whose eyes fill up with tears of joy each time you talk about Jesus.

I pray they each see the love and adoration you have for Jesus, and want the same.

 To the daddy, the man, who was always there, and always will be.

Thank you for the love, the laughter, and the sacrificial way you care for us.

We love you and hope you have a wonderful father's day

fifteen years

May 17, 1999

day starts ordinary.

time for third grade.

wake up, go to school, wait in car pool for mom to pick my sister and i up.

head home.

same old same old.

i remember in our old car we could either wear the lap belt or shoulder belt.

i chose the lap belt.

i sit by mom in the passenger seat, i like being up front with her.

sister sits in the middle of the back seat.

we pull up to a stop sign near fawn road

nothing unusual, nothing different.

mom screams and and i look in the rear view mirror.

car is approaching, a red truck at full speed.

there is no driver in the seat, where is he?

suddenly, he sits up from grabbing something off the floorboard.

he sees us too late, brakes squealing, tires smoking.

but it's too little too late.

i inhale for the impact.

the force of the car hitting ours takes my breath away.

i feet the lap belt dig into my stomach, suddenly no air is left.

our car spins out of control, into the oncoming traffic.

my mom tries to stop the car, it is in a spin.

uncontrolled and untameable.

her arms grab at the wheel but it's pointless.

suddenly i see the car in front of us, the one in traffic.

i close my eyes.

our spinning car hits another vehicle.

glass explodes and metal bends.

sounds i still hear in my dreams.

finally we come to a stop.

i open my eyes, my sister is screaming, my mom is quiet.

she is in shock.

there's blood on her face and all over my shirt.

i dont know if it's mine.

and then i try to breathe.

nothing.

i cant catch my breath, i wait for the inhale but there's just pain.

the seat belt is digging into my stomach.

it's jammed and my door is completely crumpled in.

i need air, i need to get out of this car.

i push my door, it's so mangled i don't know how i'm able to open it.

but one quick shove and it opens and releases the belt.

i still cant breathe.

i fall out of the car and pass out in the street.

someone shakes me awake.

a woman, a stranger, tears down her eyes.

she lives in the house in front of the stop sign.

she grabs me and shakes me and listens for my heartbeat.

my eyes jump open, and i can breathe.

but there's so much pain.

there's knives in my stomach. everything hurts.

where's my mom?

where's my sister?

i am instructed to lay still, but i cant.

i stand up. the woman holds me trying to calm me down.

i look at our car. my mother is still inside.

people are surrounding her, the police show up first.

they are all around and I cannot see her.

i look for allie, my sister, she is being held by a stranger.

the man who hit us.

he is holding her trying to comfort her.

she looks ok, she looks safe.

i hear screaming and look to the car we spun into.

it's a mother and daughter.

a girl older than me, probably fifteen.

they are both in terrible pain.

i lay back on the ground.

the woman doesn't leave my side until the firemen get there.

it feels like an eternity,

i hear the sirens and see men with a backboard and oxygen masks in hand,

no way was i going to be strapped down.

i fight them off, scared out of my mind, so much pain, i just want to lie down.

they are doing their best trying to calm me down, they never force me,

they gently tell me what they need to do.

i listen and accept.

laying straight hurts my stomach more..

i start crying.

i am taped down from head to toe, 

 lifted off the ground and into an ambulance.

i see my mom. she is doing her best to keep from crying,

her face is bloody, her nose busted from hitting the steering wheel.

it explains the blood on my shirt.

her left arm and right leg are splinted.

they look awful.
she starts praying out loud.

my sister isn't strapped to a board.

she sits with the paramedic next to my mother.

she is silently crying, shock is setting in.

her forehead is bruised and a little scraped.

but thank God she looks ok.

the other paramedic is new.

first day on the job.

he is shaky and nervous.

but he does what he can for us in our brief ride to the hospital.

we arrive at er.

we are in trauma and surrounded by a team of nurses and drs.

my sister sits in the lap of our friends who arrived at the hospital when we did.

the police got a hold of their number and called.

where's my dad? i forgot he was supposed to be on a plane then.

but he is reached just before take off.

he is on his way.

my mom is being looked at.

she is trying to comfort me without showing any pain.

her arm and leg are crushed.

they look me over, something isn't right.

i am put into a machine that takes many pictures.

they see an injury inside, but cant help me further there.

i am told i will be going to scottish rite.

i cry, i just want to stay with my mom.

but i see my dad and he runs to me and my mom and sister.

he holds my mom's hand, but she tells him to go with me.

not to leave me alone.

i cry as i say goodbye to her.

the nicest paramedics come to take me.

and then i pass out.

my mother, sister, and i were in an accident on May 17, 1999, fifteen years ago today.

 my mother's left wrist and right ankle were shattered. she went thru years of surgery and physical therapy. 

my sister was completely unharmed. the rear view window had shattered right behind her and she remained safe. she suffered a small bruise on her head, no concussion. we praise God for that every time we think about the accident.

i suffered a serious seatbealt injury that almost took my life. six months of vominiting, off and on hospital visits, tests, and surgery allowed the drs to discover massive scar tissue blocking my esohpsgus, allowing only a limited amount of food to pass. i only have a scar on my stomach, but am completely healed.

as scary as all this was, we look back and see God thru every part of it. He worked, He healed, He gave wisdom and comfort thru the most painful times of our lives. we thank Him for His mercies and grace that day fifteen years ago.

Psalms 30:2 "O Lord my God, i called to you for help and You healed me."

Jeremiah 17:14 "heal me, O Lord, and i will be healed; save me and i will be saved, for You are the one i praise."

One Year

first off, my baby turns one tomorrow.

one!! what?!!

second, this post is gonna be blown up with pictures.

you're welcome.

^my very last baby bump pic^

^2/3s of my awesome birth team (my other friend's hands were full with the camera)^

^let it also be known 2/3s of my birth team were prego^

 

 

 

 

 ^i had reached the point where i wanted to be knocked out^

 

 

 

 

 

 

^there is probably nothing cuter than baby toes^ 

 

^except cute baby cheeks and lips^

 

^for being born in the early hours of the morning, this guy was pretty alert^

 

 

^smitten^

 

 ^out of all the photos from that day, this one is my favorite^

this feels like yesterday. kudos to my birth team for sharing in this very special day.

hubs, i love ya man, let's do this again sometime. christina, thank you for being the greatest support that night, i might have lost it if you weren't there calming me down,thanks for helping me have a baby while you were six months prego!! p.s. i love you

kays, thank you for waking up at three in the morning (at seven months prego) to come take pics of my little one's arrival. you win photographer of the year award. i love you lots and appreciated every "you got this steph!" shouted out during pushing. 

asher ray, little moose man, i am gonna say this every year, but the time really has gone by fast.

since the moment i knew you were coming you have brought great joy to our familie's lives.

you are a deep-voiced, chuckling, food loving snuggle bug, and I thank God for your life.

may you always remember Jesus is and always will be more than enough.

Unfolded

There's a letter I wrote almost a year ago.

Confessing a deep hurt, confessing a deep pain.

I've always found it easier to express my feelings in writing.

To write down on paper what doesnt seem to find its way to my tongue.

The words dont come so easily from my mouth, but they fly from my pen.

And you know what? That's ok.

It's ok to write down things that are too hard to say.

I look at the letter now, and it remains in a special place.

It remains unfolded.

It reminds me that healing takes time, like my friend put it once,

"there's layers to healing."

And  as much as I'd like to wake up and wish the hurt away, I can't.

But what I can do is continually lay it at the feet of Jesus. 

To take the hurt, lay it at the cross, and know my shame was carried on His shoulders.

To, like my unfolded letter, know that the hurt is never gone, but there's relief from the pain.

I know of so many women who are hurting like I am,

there's invisible scars that others cant see but feel like they are right on the surface.

 But I encourage you, if you are a woman who is walking thru the pain with a suffering friend,

to hold on thru the waves of healing.

There is so many, there is anger, there is tears, there is so much weighty emotion.

But I thank God for each of you that are walking this road with their loved one.

You are incredibly brave and selfless.

Know Jesus picked you especially to help and bear this weight, 

He trusted you to care for His hurting lamb.

To those that have walked this rocky path with me,

THANK YOU.

I will never be able to express how grateful I am for the love poured out when I felt empty.

For those that have offered their shoulders to help carry my burden.

I thank Jesus every day for each of you, and those out there on the same path.

May we be women, who like the good Samaritan, go out of their way to help a beaten soul.

 

Christina: God's powerful and healing love for us

So excited to be sharing this next testimony with yall! My dear friend Christina is an awesome mommy and wife, and daily inspires me.We became friends a couple of years ago, and kind of clicked immediately. "Soul sisters" is what we sometimes jokingly call ourselves. We have seen each other through some pretty rough times, and through some pretty joyful times as well! I was so honored and blessed to have her by my side during the birth of my son, Asher! This girl and her sweet family mean so much to my family and I. They are gracious, humble and gentle. Even through her writing you can see her sweet nature and kind heart! She is one of the bravest, strongest woman I have ever known! Be blessed!

I am so honored to have my dear friend, Stephanie, ask me to share my testimony.  Honestly, as I sit here about to write, I have a sense of being overwhelmed. I hope as you read this, you are encouraged. Well here it goes...

By God's grace, I was born into a home and family that was centered around Christ. I grew up knowing all about Jesus and His sacrifice for my sins. At the age of nine, the Holy Spirit opened my eyes to the vastness of my sins, my separation from my Savior, and my ultimate need for Jesus! Through blurry,  tear-filled eyes, I walked down stairs to share all of this with my mom and dad. They were overjoyed!! They had been praying from the time they knew I was on my way that this day would come. We all cried and hugged. It is a moment I will never forget! The moment I knew Jesus to be mine. My Savior.

Everything was wonderful after that... HAHA... I mean as wonderful as 4th grade could be! Over the next year, I could not get enough of the Bible. Every word seemed new, now looking at it with a new enlightened understanding!

But as every Christian knows, it isn't all rainbows and sunshine once you accept the Lord as your personal Lord and Savior. My world was rocked as a 10 year old girl. I was molested by my soccer coach during a sleepover. I was not the only one he had taken advantage of that night. The other little girl, was much braver than I and went home and told her parents. My parents received a phone call and asked me if I had been. So ashamed by this dirty feeling the whole experience has left me with, I lied. I was convinced if I could convince someone else, it hadn't happened to me, then I could potentially convince myself as well. The next 8 years there was a war that raged on inside of me that I fought to keep silent. No one saw what I struggled with. I flat doubted God's love for me... Was He real? Did He care? How could He let this man take advantage of His beloved daughter? Maybe He loved me, but was powerless to do anything? Is that a God I could possibly live for?? Could I really trust Him???? These are the thoughts and questions I struggled with daily. During this season, I played the role (as best I could), as a typical good Christian girl. My life was a roller coaster. I tried to be good on my own, of course that did not work out, so I rebelled. And this went on for way too long...

As a freshman in college, I took full advantage of my freedom. In fact, by the end of the first semester, I was on academic probation and athletic probation, I was in the process of completing 45 hours of community service as a form of punishment, and was almost completely kicked out of school. This was my final breaking point. I had nothing left to hold onto... I had to reach out to my Savior... the one I had trusted so long ago. I had made a royal mess of my life trying to do things on my own. The Lord, in evidence of His perfect and sweet timing, was telling me my time of rebellion was up. He had a plan for my life and I needed to get on board. See, He had my husband right in front of me, and well, I was about to mess everything up! We were already friends. He was so dreamy and I pretty much loved him already. He saw me that first semester and saw my immaturity (wise man!). As the Lord healed me and brought me back to Himself, the Lord graciously began to work in Jonathan's heart as well. He began to pursue me in the most perfect way! 18 months later we were married! God is GOOD!

Looking back I can see Jesus in every step. He fought for me. He never let me go... always calling me to Himself. He never gave up on His lost sheep. His faithfulness to fight on my behalf and bring me back to Himself, to this day brings me to my knees in praise to Him! He protected me. The Lord began to heal me . He brought people into my life to encourage me and see past my fake facade I had so convincingly mastered. The Lord, so sweet with His timing, brought me time and time again, in my moments of brokenness, to the story of the lost sheep.  During one of these times I was reading a commentary that talked about how shepherds would go and leave their flock to find that one lost sheep. When they  found their lost sheep, they would break its legs. This first seemed so cruel to me, but as I continued reading, I discovered how they would do this only to then carry them during their entire healing process. This was such a clear picture of my journey with my Shepherd. He had found me, and He had to break me, only to carry me to my point of healing. He never stopped pursuing me. He was fierce in His determination to love me in spite of myself. He did not stop once He broke me. He carried me. He carried me through it all. He never left me.

Now things are still not all rainbows and sunshine. I may never understand His will and His way that would allow me, as a 10 year old little girl, to go through such a paralyzing experience, but I know who my Jesus is. I know I can trust Him and His will for my life. He has healed me, redeemed me. He has never forsaken me. What satan meant for destruction in my life, God used to pull me to Himself in a way I would never have understood outside of my experience. In fact, He has blessed me. Flat blessed me. More than I could possibly have dreamed! I am married to the most thoughtful, strong, servant-hearted man. We have 2 beautiful baby boys. I am blessed beyond measure.

Hannah: He saves daily

 I am so honored to be introducing this next special lady. Hannah (or Hannah Banana as I have always called her) and I go WAY back, like since birth practically. In fact growing up I always referred to her (and still do) as "my first best friend ever." I cant count the number of pics our parents have of us hanging out, playing dress up or just being toddlers together. Even though we haven't seen each other in over ten years (what!! hold the phone!), we still check in on each other time to time. Hannah lives in California with her hubby (they're newlyweds!!) Kent, and their new pup Harvey. Hannah is one of my most favorite writers, she is gifted and poetic and honest with each word and I know this story will resonate with so many young women. You can read more about Hannah and her sweet newlywed life at her blog www.wearehagens.wordpress.com Enjoy!

I used to think that my story wasn’t worth telling. Yes, I accepted Christ when I was 5 years old, kneeling by my bedside with my mom. Yes, I have followed him my whole life. I’ve loved growing up in church and some of my greatest friends have been from living in community there. I used to think that this was a boring story that no one would want to hear. There is no dramatic conversion, no180 degree turn in my life.  However, the Lord has made it abundantly clear that my story is important because he is the one who wrote it. He has a purpose for my testimony. He brought me to himself at age 5 for a reason. So this is my testimony, my story, continually being written beautifully by my Savior.
I’ve grown up in a Christian home my entire life. My parents have always been very involved in their church community. I remember asking my mom, one afternoon when I was five, if I could accept Jesus into my heart. She helped me pray beside my bed and it was there I asked Jesus for the first time to be my Savior.
I’ve asked him to save me many times since that day. In middle school I switched schools. I made a few friends there, but hated going. The campus was cold and uninviting and the teachers were mean to me. Halfway through the year the girls I considered my friends began to make fun of me for my faith. They made up rumors about me and kicked me out of their carpool. I felt so alone, so abandoned.  I stopped going to my youth group at church because I was afraid of being rejected. I even ate lunch in the bathroom a few times because I was embarrassed that I had no one to sit with. I remember begging the Lord to save me. I would do anything to be able to go to a different school. He heard my cry. After the year ended, my parents let me switch to a new school. I started going back to youth group and God redeemed me with new and meaningful friendships. Slowly my heart began to heal. He had heard my cry.
In July of 2012, my high school sweetheart, Kent, got down on one knee and asked me to be his forever. Nothing can describe my joy in that moment. I will never forget his sweet smile as he spoke and the lavender rose petals at our feet.

 Then two weeks later we found out his mom had stage four cancer. Three months later, a ravenous cancer took her life and left us reeling. I cried out to the Lord to save us from this grief, to turn back time and bring her back to us. His plan is still a mystery, but I know without a shadow of doubt that God was with us every second of that horrible sickness. His presence has never left us. Last July, I felt God’s strength and peace overwhelm our ceremony. Though Kent’s mom could not be there, we knew she was watching with a front row seat in heaven. I like to picture her holding Jesus’ hand, both watching proudly and joyfully as we said our “I dos.” As we continue to grieve such a painful loss, Christ continues to draw us to himself. He gives us indescribable joy and comforts our deepest sorrow.

I now know that my five-year-old heart understood something profound that afternoon as I knelt beside my bed: asking Jesus to be my Savior meant he would save me. Through every hurt, every tear, every lonely moment, he is with me. He answers my cry and in his presence I can find saving grace over and over and over…
So this is the story God has given me. This is the testimony of a girl who continues to need saving and of a God who promises to always be her Savior.

Heather: New life in Him

We are starting off a week of testimonies with one of my dearest friends, Heather. Seriously I cant think of the words to describe my relationship with this girl, but if I could I would use "honest and pure."
The tale of our friendship and how it grew is a post all its own. She has helped me in my walk and brings me daily to the cross. In some of my darkest, hardest days, she has been there for me whether in person or by phone. She daily encourages me, sends me verses, prays for me, and builds me up when I tear myself down. She truly is a sister to me, and a huge blessing in my life! I pray her story of God's great saving work in her life touches you and speaks to you as it has to so many!

Hey there! My name is Heather James. What an honor it is to be asked by a beloved
sister to share how the Lord Jesus rescued me from the domain of darkness and
transferred me into His Kingdom. I will attempt to share how Jesus brought me to life.
Let me start from the beginning.
I was born a sinner. I look back even on childhood and see so much selfishness, greed,
and pride seeping from my little self. Oh praise Him for saving a wretch like me! I am the
oldest child of three girls. Our family was deeply rooted in the Catholic church. All my
extended family was Catholic, I was baptized into the Catholic church, participated in
many sacraments, and went to Catholic school up until college. I am thankful that my
parents did their part in trying to raise me with good morals and taught me that it was
right to obey. But being a child and having knowledge of the law, it was overwhelming to
even think of obeying all of the commandments. That sort of obedience was completely
out of reach. I had seasons of trying hard, and in my deception I thought of myself as a
‘good person’, but I always fell short of His righteousness.

{I was not offered an accurate gospel. And if I was, I did not really believe it. I assumed I had always
been a Christian, but we are all born sinners, none of us are just ‘born’ into the faith - just like Jesus said, we have to be born again to enter into His kingdom. I did not understand that NOTHING I could do could make me right with God - no amount of obedience to His law and no amount of good works could would please Him. I had no clue that I was an enemy of God and that only turning from my sin and accepting the free gift of faith in what Jesus did on the cross could make me right in His sight.}

So, what happened when I realized I couldn’t measure up to God’s standard? Rebellion.
College began and I wasn’t under my parents rule anymore. So what did I do?
Whatever I wanted. I made tons of friends and had a lot of worldly fun. I look back in
awe at how the Lord protected me while I was involved in such foolishness. Seriously,
there are many times where I should have died. I was a somewhat responsible person
in things like school and work, but when it came to all other things, I indulged in
pleasure. All the while an emptiness within me was very evident. Even while partying I
was ‘that girl’ that, while belligerent, would talk to random strangers about deep things
like God and that there had to be ‘more’ to this life. Surely they were thinking, “who
invited this girl?” Even in sin I knew I had a longing that hadn’t been filled, and I had a
definite feeling that the only One who could fill it was the Lord. But I was afraid to follow
the Lord. I had believed the lies that I wouldn’t have any more friends, I wouldn’t have
any more fun, and life would be boring. Regardless of me believing these lies, He was
drawing me.

Years passed, I graduated college and began working. I was attempting to fill that void
with traveling, money, food, friends, boys - still knowing that God was near and
beckoning me. The New Year’s before I turned 25, I made a vow to myself to start
settling down and get more serious in life. I started going to church more, started
serving, and got involved in the young adult activities. I started praying and really desiring to find the ‘purpose’ of this life. That February I also decided to get into shape
physically, so I joined a gym. The first evening of joining I had my free hour with the
personal trainer. He went over things like nutrition and exercise routines, but the
conversation quickly turned. He asked where I went to church. I told him and he started
asking why I believe certain things the church teaches. Because I was so rooted in
Catholicism I knew what I believed, but I had no idea why I believed it and where to find
proof. I was befuddled. The next question the trainer asked (and because the Lord had
so ripened me, HE knew it was what I needed to hear) was “If you were to die tonight,
where would you go?” “Well”, I said, “because I’m not necessarily good enough to go
straight to heaven, but I think I’m a pretty good person, I would probably go to purgatory.
The Lord is good and would never send me to hell.” He told me the Bible says there is
no such things as a ‘good’ person and that I should search the Scriptures for anything
on purgatory. There is no proof. Jesus talks of two places we will go when we die -
heaven or hell. Your choice.
I left the gym broken and in tears. Could this be true? Were many of the things I’d been
taught my whole life really lies? I was facing the facts that salvation is not based on
works at all, there is no ‘good’ person, we all fall short of His glory, and that all of us - if
we do not repent and believe in Jesus - will go to hell. We met a few more times to
“train” at the gym. Really, he was just using training as a tool for evangelizing, and I was
so thirsty that I was OK with it and wanted to learn more. Jesus spoke Truth to me
through the trainer. I learned that my sin was not too great for Him to redeem and in
April of 2011, I repented of my sin and handed my life over to Christ. He was full of
mercy and lavished grace on this vessel. Praise Jesus for receiving my just punishment
for my sin against Him, our holy and worthy God. He took all of my punishment upon
Himself on the Cross. At the time, I had no clue what really happened to me. All I knew
was that I loved Jesus and wanted to do anything to get more of Him. I had more joy
than ever before. (Now I realize, He had made me alive!)

I continued serving and going to Catholic church. Over a period of months I was getting
lonely. No one I met had a love for Jesus or a fervent desire to know Him more. I was
getting desperate for fellowship. One day I was on the phone with one of my sisters
crying to her about my desire. She told me that her old friend/coworker, Eric, seemed
like his life had changed because “his Facebook status’ were filled with Scripture.” So, I
awkwardly reached out and told him I needed fellowship. Eric (who by the Lord’s
sovereign power is now my beloved husband!!!) was just learning that he shouldn’t be
hanging out one on one with girls and didn’t want to give me the wrong impression. So
he asked his friend for advice on what to do. His friend’s answer, “well, why don’t you
just invite her to church?” Duh, Eric thought! So that’s just what he did! I was excited
and also very uncomfortable. I hadn’t seen this guy in a few years and even then, I
barely knew him. But like I said, I was desperate! So that next Sunday I went to his
church. This church was unlike any I had ever been to. They brought their Bibles and
actually studied from them during church. They prayed together. And they really
worshiped the Lord. It was awesome, out of my comfort zone, and stirred up a part of
me I had never felt before! That night after church I joined a girl’s bible study. Jesus is
SO GRACIOUS. He answered my prayer that night for more fellowship! The Lord used
that bible study and those girls to teach me how to pray, to give me desire for His word,
to disciple me, and to give me bonds with sisters in Christ I had never experienced
before.

I stopped going to Catholic church after learning in God’s Word about how much of the
Catholic faith contradicts the Truth. And after getting to know Eric more, we began
dating before the Lord’s timing, and after deep conviction from the Holy Spirit, we broke
up a few months into it. The Lord taught me so much during those next few months of
singleness. He used that brokenness/obedience to really grow me and bear fruit. My prayer during those single months was to be a woman securely devoted to Christ (1 Cor 7:35). Jesus gave me a very dear sister during that time (Tania - a sister who I had recently met in the Atlanta airport on the way to Peru for a mission trip) who discipled me and showed me that this devoted lifestyle was possible. I learned to be content in my singleness by being satisfied in Jesus alone.

Well, the Lord brought Eric and I back together. This time it was in His timing and His
way - and oh how His way is PERFECT! We experienced the peace that surpasses
understanding, and we knew that we were to be married. We had a quick engagement,
and two months after our wedding day we found out we were pregnant. Over the next
several months we went through some dark and difficult times as our selfishness came
out and we realized how much pride remained in us. I wish I could share more details
about that trying time, but suffice it to say the Lord had mercy on us and really used the
birth of our son Joshua to revive our hearts. We are so thankful for our little guy and the
way the Lord has woven him into our walk with Him. The Lord has used our marriage to
sanctify me like never before, and I can see how He was pleased to give Eric and I to
each other! I am challenged and discipled by my husband often and we are learning
daily how to die to self and kill our sin by the Spirit of God. We still have much to learn,
but our desire is to really live unto Christ, and our prayer is to have an all-consuming
faith in Him - to really be surrendered and let His resurrected life reign in our bodies.
Even as a wife and mother, I still pray that I would be one who is securely devoted to
the Lord Jesus Christ. Like Beth Moore says in her study of the book of James, “there
ain’t no high like the Most High!” Amen.

I am forever grateful that the Lord made me His child. I now know that I have a secure
salvation in the Lord Jesus for eternity, and that it is only by faith in the Lord Jesus that I
am forgiven of my sin and able to experience abundant life now and life everlasting in
the age to come. And of course when you have this light you no longer want to partake
in works of darkness, nor do the things He hates. You want to be pleasing to Him and
obey His commands. The narrow road is truly more difficult than the easy road to hell
and death, but it is far worth it. I still struggle a lot daily, but praise Him, He has not left
me nor forsaken me. By His divine power He gives believers all that we need pertaining
to life and godliness. He is always good and abounding in loving kindness and mercy,
no matter what trials, blessings, struggles, and seasons we experience in this life. He is
so worthy of our lives. He deserves all the praise and glory and honor. Forever and
ever.

Happy Resurrection Day!

Praise God the tomb is empty! Hell where is your victory? Death where is your sting?
In honor of this great truth, I will be sharing a few guest posts from some of my dear friends!
They will be sharing their testimonies and honoring the truth that Jesus gives us new life in Him!
Praising the Lord for these beautiful women and the stories they have to share. Each one walks in love and truth and grace, and treasures Jesus above all things.
So humbled and excited to be sharing these glorious stories of grace with you!
 In the meantime here are a few pics from the past week!

ollie jones leggings

Can I just say that baby leggings are by far the cutest, trendiest baby accessory that is out there right now? Not to mention the most helpful outfit completer? Seriously I cant count how many times I throw a onesie or t shirt on my boys and find I don't really have any cute bottoms to go with them! The other great thing about leggings is that they look good on both girls AND boys.

That is a proven fact especially after seeing my baby, Asher, in a pair of ollie jones leggings. When I found Cheryl's shop on etsy, I was immediately impressed with her numerous pattern options and helpful sizing chart. If my husband's paycheck would allow it, I would buy a pair of leggings from her in every color and size!

When I was looking through her collection, I decided to go with the Golden Arrows pattern. One because I love arrows, and two because that sweet mustard color was catching my eye (and I always try to sneak in a bit of mustard yellow in my home or wardrobe whenever I can!!)

First off let me say how very durable her leggings are! My little man is on the move 24 hrs a day now and he can put a hurting on some baby pants. But these leggings have really stood their ground and they look as new as the day I pulled them out of the box!

Along with durable, they are also just plain adorable! Little man wore these guys around Disney World for a few days last week and got many compliments (he is already a tiny man fashionista).
He wore them throughout the day and even though it was 90 degrees outside (take me back!), he stayed comfortable in his leggings, and looked stylish while doing so.

You can find Cheryl's collection at her website www.olliejonesclothing.com
She has recently come out with a few new patterns of which I am swooning over, hello feather leggings!!
Cheryl is not only extremely talented with making and designing her products, but very professional and courteous. I have enjoyed working with her so much and am seeing many ollie jones leggings in my son's fashion futures!
I am currently doing a giveaway with Cheryl on instagram! Head on over to check out this awesome giveaway!

Yearning to be anxiety free (but happier note my baby turned 7!)

Lately, it has been hard to know what to blog about.
Last weekend I was battling a major crisis of faith.
I had allowed doubt and anxiety to riddle my heart that I didn't recognize them as sins anymore.
I justified them in my heart, I made excuses for them.
I blamed God, then myself, then God again, and then occasionally other people.
But the Spirit wouldn't let me rest in my doubt, He convicted, He allowed for sleepless nights of questioning and prayer. Of seeking. Of confessing.
My husband asked me to write down a list of everything that was making me so anxious.
I filled out and entire page.
An ENTIRE page.
I am admitting this because I feel most women out there can relate, when it comes to anxiety, it is either conquer it or be destroyed by it.
But those that love God, can overcome it, because God does not want us to remain in it.
He frees us from its bondage, He frees us from its ever crushing, condemning, crippling nature.
And it starts with confession of it.
That is where I am this week, dealing with my anxiety,
allowing the Spirit to dig its roots out of my heart.
It is a process, often painful but effective.
On a happier note my sweet baby girl turned 7 this week!

My little sweet sassy tiny lady now prefers to be called Madison,

which is technically her name but we have always given her various nicknames.

Peanut, Mads, Maddie, Maddi-Os, Sassafrass and Goober.

But now she asks to be called by her full name which is Madison Rose.

She says it sounds more lady like, and lately she is very into what it is "lady-like."

Tea pots, tea sandwiches, dresses, shoes, and nail polish.

Oh and jewelry, cant be a lady unless you got some bling.
She also loves to read,a passion which she inherited from me.
I love seeing her curled up on the couch with her cute purple bedazzled glasses, nose deep in a book.
But that is Maddie, purple and bedazzled all the way.
She looks so much like me in those moments when you can tell she is sucked into a story.
She has the greenest of eyes, a gift from her daddy, and tan skin, also a gift from her daddy.
 She is pretty much gorgeous, outside and inside.

She has the biggest heart for lonely and shy people.
Since she has been born we have seen friends and family break out of a normally quiet and sad disposition, to one of laughter and joy.
That is truly a git from God right there.
She can make a grump her best friend in five minutes.
She sees the wounded and outcast and extends her arms and says "I want you."
And I tell her that is exactly what Jesus does.
She loves anything about Jesus. She loves His name, she loves the fact He was born in a barn.
She wishes she was born in a barn, no really she loves animals THAT much.
I am so thankful for this sweet girl, seven years ago I was 16 years old, laying on my back crying not because I had to push for 45 min, but because I knew my life was gonna be rocked in the best way. Was I scared, heck yes!

But scared of how much I didn't deserve her, and God still gave her to me.

She was perfect.
Tiny and delicate.
Who knew a firecracker lay underneath that chill exterior.
She is truly a gift, a arrow in the process of being sharpened for the Kingdom of God.

Moved

Last night we returned home from Vermont.

White snowy wonderful Vermont.

The only word that really describes how I am feeling is "moved."

Actually that word was kind of last week's motto.

We helped our dear friends and neighbors move to Brattleboro, Vermont,

And in the course of visiting there for a couple of days, I was inwardly moved.

Praying for over a year and finally getting to see this place,

unbelievable.

Moving.

Getting off a plane to a place you have never been but oddly feel like you are familiar with.

Moving.

Your heart aching to be in a place you have only spent a few days in.

Moving.

Your heart aching for the lost people you now see in front of you.

Moving.

Everything about the trip, from the arrival to the goodbyes (ouch my heart)

was eye opening and yes, moving.

So hard to write down all the thoughts going on in my head.

In many ways I am still suffering from cultural shock.

Since I have been back one thing keeps grabbing my attention.

It is not about how much you know, it is not about how "spiritual" you appear,

it is about Jesus. 

Always has been, always will be.

The people there are searching and seeking truth, love, forgiveness, grace.

And Jesus is calling them

"Come to Me all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest."

Matthew 11:28