Love Story: Year One....Newlyweds

"I am 23 and I have been married for close to six years." 

I feel like I get the same shocked expression from each stranger that comes up to me and asks my husband and I how old we are and how long we have been married. 

That is probably so weird and random but let me explain by stating my husband is a good foot taller than I am. Ok I gave myself some credit, he is a foot and some change. We also have been asked if we are siblings before.

So long story short we get asked a lot of questions when we are out in public together and being affectionate because Justin kind of looks like my older brother and I look like his 12 year old sister.  So I think when people see us holding hands and occasionally smooching, they feel a sense of duty to make sure nothing "sketchy" is going on. My poor hubs, he has gotten quite the few nasty stare downs from people ( especially when I have a big swollen pregnant belly!)

I may make a DIY shirt that reads 

"I AM NOT HIS SISTER"

Anywho, Justin and I got married at 17, saying it out loud doesnt shock me as much as it used to but then I think of one of my kids getting married at that age and I faint a little. Funny story, we had to have our parents sign for us to get married. A permission slip if you will. A lot of our friends get a good kick out of that little sidenote. I hope our children do too  (inset their mortified faces sixteen years from now.)

So newlyweds, so newlyweds with a toddler. Boy oh boy. Let me just say glory to Jesus for redeeming a marriage that started off on a rocky path, although it felt like we started off in a volcanoe. Marriage is a sanctifying process, it takes a lot of grace for the Lord to convict us of our selfishness and teach us to serve others, and parenting and marriage are the strongest tools He uses for that. 

A lot of people will tell you that their first year as newlyweds was awesome and wonderful and a bit like a dream come true. Ours sadly was not, but we did not know Jesus then, so I am grateful He kept us together until we were saved. 

But the first year was hard, we were teenagers, we had a one year old, and a few months after us getting married, my mom left my dad and sister. 

I wont go into a lot of detail about that on here, but let's just say walking in on your mom packing up her things to leave, waiting for you dad and sister to get back from vacation to find my mom had left, witnessing my father weeping as if his heart had been ripped out of him, and watching my family fall apart did something to me, and it wasnt pretty. I became depressed and bitter. I became overprotective of my daughter, and bitter towards Justin. I guess in my mind I was protecting Maddie and I against the idea that Justin would just up and leave us as well. I was protecting us from something that hadnt even happened. 

Year one was hard, full of fighting and words I still wish I could take back and never have said to my man, but the last two years, they have been full of treausred moments, witnessing Jesus redeem our marriage, I honestly say I love Justin more each year that goes by. Thank God for His perfect timing in our lives. We look back on our first few years of marriage and feel regret, but we look ahead to our future and see hope, and His name is Jesus. 

Smackdown! Master Disaster is 2!

Toddler boys.

I think they deserve their own sentence. I think that sentence explains a lot.

I love my sweet boy Jax dont get me wrong, but homie has decided to become a mini WWE fighter and it is NOT cool. 

I feel in the past week he and most of the boys his same age have decided to practice some fighting skills. These sills include biting, pinching, sitting upon, smacking, trowing sticks, hair pulling, and the ever popular "yank my friend off of a stool to the hard floor" trick. These guys are really putting the smackdown on each other. No worries all good and consistent discipline is dished out in response to these fighting matches. At times I feel like Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible with this whole teaching a toddler about gentleness and patience, but I do have the Jesus on my side so I know theres victory! Some days I require a little more of that patience for myself.

My new motto is "Jesus take the wheel! Take it from my hands!"

It is like all of a sudden now that the age of 2 is upon us, Master Disaster has arrived.

Master Disaster, this is what I would call my son for his stage wrestling name.

So Master Disaster is turning two, two! My sweet boy I can hardly believe it. Jax was our healing baby. I say healing because the Lord gave us Jaxon at a time when our hearts were crushed from two miscarriages. Then a few weeks after we lost our second babe, we found out we were pregnant. And from that moment on I have never stopped thanking God for the healing He brought to my heart with giving me Jax. 

So Master Disaster is 2, and you know what one of his presents will be? Potty training. Yes, happy birthday, dont you wish I was your mother?

 Let's face it I have two kiddos in diapers and diapers just aint cheap. I have a six year old girl who has been successfully potty trained, I figure my odds are pretty good with this little guy. It is worth a shot anyway, already prepared my potty training arsenal with Cars undies, plastic covers and M&Ms.

 I know I will have accidents to clean, there may be tears (mostly on my end), but I'm guessing it's gonna be cheaper to clean a few messes than buy $100 worth of diapers each month. 

And the Johnson's wallets said amen! 

Coming to Terms

This morning I am coming to terms. Coming to terms with grief pented up in my heart. Coming to terms with bitterness and expelling it out of my heart.

Coming to terms that this world is FALLEN.

This is NOT how God wanted things to be. It IS because of OUR sin.  

Does this world not make heaven even more desirable? Does this world not put that urge to share the gospel with those who are lost and think this world is it? 

Jesus assures us that He has overcome this world. And as His followers, as those who have the Holy Spirit indewelling them, in Him we have overcome as well.

Praising God that we have hope, we have heaven as an eternal promise and inheritance. Every tear, every single one, those shed in beds at night and those shed during times of intense grief and suffering, every single one will be wiped away. 

Come swiftly Lord Jesus.