Love Story: Part Three (A)

Love Story:Part Three (A)

This post has taken me forever to write for many reasons. One reason is I have three kids under the age of 7 and any free time I get to myself I usually take a shower and dry my hair, usually by the time I am done one of my kiddos has pooped or wants a snack (not always in that order.) The other reason is this part of my life feels so long ago, it almost feels like remembering an old movie you watch and after a few months forget all the details. Also, because since becoming saved 18 months ago, it hurts to think back on the old person I was. But oh how looking back makes me grateful for Christ and His great grace He gave me, and making me a NEW person in Him. So the best way I can began this part of our story is with a simple phrase "16 and pregnant."

After a couple years of being together, Justin and I decided to make a very adult decision in a very immature time in our life. We bought into the lie that if you love someone, then it's ok to have sex with them. Wrongo! Since becoming saved we have both realized that true love waits, true love is patient. It waits for the covenant of marriage, it waits for the blessing from God after a couple becomes husband and wife. Lust does not wait, and is not patient. And like most teenagers, we believed to be invincible. After all you can only get pregnant if you are old and married right? (we didnt really believe that we just told ourselves that so we felt better about having sex, sometimes I want to slap 16yr old me in the head.) Dont get me wrong, Justin and I did love each other, we have never been with anyone else, but our view on love was distorted, crowded by lies of this world and what "love and sex" look like in this fallen world. So the summer we were sixteen we started having sex. I am not proud of our deceit, our selfishness and our extreme disregard of the Lord's gentle warnings. But in the midst of those things, the Lord saw fit to bless us, and I found out I was pregnant. I almost couldnt believe it, I was alone in the bathroom of a Publix stall and watched two lines become very dark and pink (to every mama out there you know which kind of test I am talking about). I called Justin and told him the news, we both were in shock, and not really knowing how to react so instead of freaking out we were like, "oh ok cool well now that we know let's continue on with our lives and everything will balance out" (insert head slap to self). So instead of accepting reality, owning up and telling our families, we just acted like the situation wasnt real. He continued football, and I continued cheerleading (insert BIG headslap!). About a month into our junior year of highschool, I became sick, horribly sick. I couldnt stop throwing up all day every day, and deep down I knew what was happening. I knew that this was God saying "steph, you are pregnant, this is real, this is happening, and you need to stop lying." Even though I wasnt saved at the time, the Lord still was convicting me and drawing me to Himself, such a patient God we serve. At Justin's house he had just told his mom, thats a story in itself! But I wasnt there so I will eventually let him share his side of the story! Anyway, his mom called mine and said they were heading over to talk, no other details. My mom just knew. So in my bathroom, after throwing up for the 50th time that day, my  mom looked me in the face and waited for the truth. I told with tears streaming down my face. That whole day seems forever ago now, so many emotions packed into one living room. The next day we went to the dr, I was already 14 weeks along in the pregnancy, and everything was healthy, and I heard Maddie's heartbeat, and suddenly the reality of everything hit home. That week Justin and I dropped out of our school, out of cheerleading, football, all our clubs, because in the Christian school we attended, having premarital sex was punished by expelling the students. And we knew that was only fair to walk away. 

It breaks my heart to hear of stories of girls who become pregnant and the boy just leaves, just walks away. That isnt this kind of story. Justin stood by my side the entire time. Though my dad was very upset, he wouldnt allow Justin around expect once a week, Justin supported me and told my parents he was going to be there, every step of the way, he wasnt going to walk away, he was going to own up to his responsibilities. To this day, my parents always say how proud they are of him, how much they respect him for becoming a man in a short amount of time, and not running away. I love him so much for that, every time I look at him I see that same goofy kid I fell in love with but something more, I see an older wiser version of him. I see the beauty that came from the ashes of sin, I see the Lord's work in his life, and I see the wonderful handiwork of our Creator in making a man who portrays the steady servant-heartedness of our Savior. 

During the months of throwing up, tears because I thought my life was over (head slap myself), losing friends and making new ones, saying goodbye but getting ready to say hello not only to a new little person, my sweet girl, but to a life that I have been blessed with that I could never have imagined for myself. Stay tuned for more, because believe me maddies birth story deserves its own post.