Saturday, May 17, 2014

fifteen years

May 17, 1999
day starts ordinary.
time for third grade.
wake up, go to school, wait in car pool for mom to pick my sister and i up.
head home.
same old same old.
i remember in our old car we could either wear the lap belt or shoulder belt.
i chose the lap belt.
i sit by mom in the passenger seat, i like being up front with her.
sister sits in the middle of the back seat.
we pull up to a stop sign near fawn road
nothing unusual, nothing different.
mom screams and and i look in the rear view mirror.
car is approaching, a red truck at full speed.
there is no driver in the seat, where is he?
suddenly, he sits up from grabbing something off the floorboard.
he sees us too late, brakes squealing, tires smoking.
but it's too little too late.
i inhale for the impact.
the force of the car hitting ours takes my breath away.
i feet the lap belt dig into my stomach, suddenly no air is left.
our car spins out of control, into the oncoming traffic.
my mom tries to stop the car, it is in a spin.
uncontrolled and untameable.
her arms grab at the wheel but it's pointless.
suddenly i see the car in front of us, the one in traffic.
i close my eyes.
our spinning car hits another vehicle.
glass explodes and metal bends.
sounds i still hear in my dreams.
finally we come to a stop.
i open my eyes, my sister is screaming, my mom is quiet.
she is in shock.
there's blood on her face and all over my shirt.
i dont know if it's mine.
and then i try to breathe.
nothing.
i cant catch my breath, i wait for the inhale but there's just pain.
the seat belt is digging into my stomach.
it's jammed and my door is completely crumpled in.
i need air, i need to get out of this car.
i push my door, it's so mangled i don't know how i'm able to open it.
but one quick shove and it opens and releases the belt.
i still cant breathe.
i fall out of the car and pass out in the street.
someone shakes me awake.
a woman, a stranger, tears down her eyes.
she lives in the house in front of the stop sign.
she grabs me and shakes me and listens for my heartbeat.
my eyes jump open, and i can breathe.
but there's so much pain.
there's knives in my stomach. everything hurts.
where's my mom?
where's my sister?
i am instructed to lay still, but i cant.
i stand up. the woman holds me trying to calm me down.
i look at our car. my mother is still inside.
people are surrounding her, the police show up first.
they are all around and I cannot see her.
i look for allie, my sister, she is being held by a stranger.
the man who hit us.
he is holding her trying to comfort her.
she looks ok, she looks safe.
i hear screaming and look to the car we spun into.
it's a mother and daughter.
a girl older than me, probably fifteen.
they are both in terrible pain.
i lay back on the ground.
the woman doesn't leave my side until the firemen get there.
it feels like an eternity,
i hear the sirens and see men with a backboard and oxygen masks in hand,
no way was i going to be strapped down.
i fight them off, scared out of my mind, so much pain, i just want to lie down.
they are doing their best trying to calm me down, they never force me,
they gently tell me what they need to do.
i listen and accept.
laying straight hurts my stomach more..
i start crying.
i am taped down from head to toe, 
 lifted off the ground and into an ambulance.
i see my mom. she is doing her best to keep from crying,
her face is bloody, her nose busted from hitting the steering wheel.
it explains the blood on my shirt.
her left arm and right leg are splinted.
they look awful.
she starts praying out loud.
my sister isn't strapped to a board.
she sits with the paramedic next to my mother.
she is silently crying, shock is setting in.
her forehead is bruised and a little scraped.
but thank God she looks ok.
the other paramedic is new.
first day on the job.
he is shaky and nervous.
but he does what he can for us in our brief ride to the hospital.
we arrive at er.
we are in trauma and surrounded by a team of nurses and drs.
my sister sits in the lap of our friends who arrived at the hospital when we did.
the police got a hold of their number and called.
where's my dad? i forgot he was supposed to be on a plane then.
but he is reached just before take off.
he is on his way.
my mom is being looked at.
she is trying to comfort me without showing any pain.
her arm and leg are crushed.
they look me over, something isn't right.
i am put into a machine that takes many pictures.
they see an injury inside, but cant help me further there.
i am told i will be going to scottish rite.
i cry, i just want to stay with my mom.
but i see my dad and he runs to me and my mom and sister.
he holds my mom's hand, but she tells him to go with me.
not to leave me alone.
i cry as i say goodbye to her.
the nicest paramedics come to take me.
and then i pass out.

my mother, sister, and i were in an accident on May 17, 1999, fifteen years ago today.
 my mother's left wrist and right ankle were shattered. she went thru years of surgery and physical therapy. 
my sister was completely unharmed. the rear view window had shattered right behind her and she remained safe. she suffered a small bruise on her head, no concussion. we praise God for that every time we think about the accident.
i suffered a serious seatbealt injury that almost took my life. six months of vominiting, off and on hospital visits, tests, and surgery allowed the drs to discover massive scar tissue blocking my esohpsgus, allowing only a limited amount of food to pass. i only have a scar on my stomach, but am completely healed.
as scary as all this was, we look back and see God thru every part of it. He worked, He healed, He gave wisdom and comfort thru the most painful times of our lives. we thank Him for His mercies and grace that day fifteen years ago.

Psalms 30:2 "O Lord my God, i called to you for help and You healed me."
Jeremiah 17:14 "heal me, O Lord, and i will be healed; save me and i will be saved, for You are the one i praise."

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

One Year

first off, my baby turns one tomorrow.
one!! what?!!
second, this post is gonna be blown up with pictures.
you're welcome.


^my very last baby bump pic^

^2/3s of my awesome birth team (my other friend's hands were full with the camera)^
^let it also be known 2/3s of my birth team were prego^
 
 
 
 
 ^i had reached the point where i wanted to be knocked out^
 
 
 
 
 
 
^there is probably nothing cuter than baby toes^ 
 
^except cute baby cheeks and lips^
 
^for being born in the early hours of the morning, this guy was pretty alert^
 
 
^smitten^
 
 ^out of all the photos from that day, this one is my favorite^

this feels like yesterday. kudos to my birth team for sharing in this very special day.
hubs, i love ya man, let's do this again sometime. christina, thank you for being the greatest support that night, i might have lost it if you weren't there calming me down,thanks for helping me have a baby while you were six months prego!! p.s. i love you
kays, thank you for waking up at three in the morning (at seven months prego) to come take pics of my little one's arrival. you win photographer of the year award. i love you lots and appreciated every "you got this steph!" shouted out during pushing. 
asher ray, little moose man, i am gonna say this every year, but the time really has gone by fast.
since the moment i knew you were coming you have brought great joy to our familie's lives.
you are a deep-voiced, chuckling, food loving snuggle bug, and I thank God for your life.
may you always remember Jesus is and always will be more than enough.